I KNOW what you're thinking.... ("I hate that bitch. She doesn't update her interesting and so suspenseful blog any more. WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TO?!?!?!")
Yeah. Well. Shut up.
SEE, a while ago, my parents took my computer away, so that gave me really no chance to update this dang thing anyway. And THEN, for a couple weeks, I was too emotionally distressed to even do anything but stare out my window for countless hours when I was supposed to do homework. I actually have a pretty nice view.
(BAdum PSH)
(All right, all right. If MY attempts to be funny are no longer effective for you young people, then FINE.)
So here's what happened: Justin and I broke up, he got to know Julia, Julia liked him, I missed him, we got back together, I went to Italy, he liked Julia, we break up again, and now he's still going out with Julia. And I'm still in Rome.
Justin is happier, Julia is happier, everyone else is happier and they don't hate me any more. Which is a plus. I guess.
I don't think anyone reads this thing any more because I stopped updating like ten hundred bajillion years ago... So hmmmm.... can I... er.... confess...?
Actually, I'd rather not.
Well, it goes like this:
The only reason why I broke it off was because I was just bored with my routine life, and I'm not sure what else made me do it, but it was all kind of a blur. Anyway, after about an hour, I began to miss him. Let's see... I broke it off on.... November........ like... 18th or something like that. It was about 2 weeks ago, I think. And you know what? I've been crying myself to sleep every night ever since. At first I was worried about him, because I still wasn't convinced that anyone could feel so strongly about another person as he felt about me, and I was convinced that it was all in his head and that he doesn't love me as much as he said he does. As time went on, I realized that I needed him there every day, because nothing is the same without him next to me. I mean, for six months, he was like my best friend (I love you, Emily) and then suddenly, hes just not there any more. He said that he couldn't stand being around me for very long without "displaying his love for me" and that it would take a while for him to get over it so we can be friends again. But I couldn't wait. I really missed being friends with him. After a few days, I really missed being his girlfriend. And by this time, my mind has played so many tricks on me, one minute thinking that I don't need him, the other thinking that I miss him and I love him, and each time I changed my mind, I would tell someone, and then they would tell him. So I guess my mind was playing tricks on him, also. I wanted him back. But I felt like such a bastard, breaking up with someone because I just didn't love them as much as I used to and then wanting to get back together with them as soon as I realized how lonely and small I really am without them. So I waited. And during that waiting time, I found out that Julia likes him, because they started talking a lot after we broke up. Now I COULDN'T get back together with him. I knew I shouldn't. But, being the stupid idiotic bastard that I am, I did any way. I guess I just didn't realize what I was doing at the time... But I was sending mixed signals all over the place to EVERYONE. After I asked Julia if it was okay with her if he and I got back together, I immediately regretted it. My joy of having him back again was overruled by the guilt. I went to school the next day, only to find out that every time I go somewhere, I had just been the conversation topic. My friends hated me that day. I couldn't take it. So, in order to get rid of this heaviness in my heart, I asked Justin if he liked Julia. The least bit. And he asked me if I actually WANTED him to date other people, because that was the impression that I was giving off. Well. Now, I'm not even sure what I wanted. But I told him that I wanted to see that if he went out with other people and had more experiences to compare me with, if he would miss me. The next day, he told me that he liked Julia. He liked us both and couldn't decide who he wanted. He said he loved me, but he also wanted Julia. He said he would think about it. The day after that, I was leaving for Italy, and he went to school. When he was gone, I talked to him (well... his computer...) and told him that I would gladly step back and not get in the way of what he and Julia could have together. And I would do it, too, as it was what I had promised Julia that I would do. So I went off to Italy, miserable, crying, hating the suspense. When I got a hold of a computer here, I found out that my friends have been egging him to ask her out. At this point, I just threw my hands up and said 'screw it all' and told him that he should go ahead and ask her out. It would save me the worrying and suffering, even though... I'm still suffering. But I'm not DONE. On the plane, and on my cheap and hard hotel bed, I played over the scenes of the time when we first started dating and I began to fall in love all over again, with the person that is now out of my reach. We were both so crazy about each other back then. I don't know about him, but I thought he was the best thing ever. But something changed. I don't know what. I guess eventually we just ran out of things to talk about. And then, instead of acknowledging his presence like I had done before, I began to repell. My friends constantly told me that we were spending too much time together, and that they hardly ever get a chance to hang out with me, and me only any more. He was always there. But that was what made us so close.... So because of what my friends said, I began to take what they want into consideration, and started doing things without him, and eventually, I kind of forgot that he was there. I just took advantage of his presence, and I know... it's horrible.... I regret it, but I still don't know what I should have done instead. I think that no matter what I did back then, I still would have lost. But I had wanted to break up with him because there was no excitement in it any more, right? Well. I guess I got the 'excitement' I was aiming for. I still feel horrible for everything I did and everyone I hurt, and I'm really, really, really sorry, you guys. If I didn't have you, ANY of you, I probably wouldn't survive. I'm sorry, Emily, for ignoring you for the past few months and forgetting about your dillemnas and being so wrapped up in my own world. You have always been my best friend, and you will always be my bestest. It seems that all of the decisions I make nowadays always lead to a bad consequence..... and I'm glad that you aren't giving me the punishment I deserve, and being there for me every step of the way. I love ya, man.
There. That's my side of the story.
posted by: EmilooMoo (reply)
post date: 11.29.04 (4:04 pm)
Awww...
Now I feel all pink and bubbly...
Just like Patrick when he realized he had the hots for Mindy the Nerdmaid.
Wait, what the!?
posted by: Gawky Mapoo (reply)
post date: 11.29.04 (5:32 pm)
Well Nyssa. Don't worry your little Asian head about this too much. Don't let it get the best of you. After all, you've yet to even reach your teenage years (suckerrr) and there will be plenty other tastier fish in the sea.
I promise.
Muah.
posted by: newbie (reply)
post date: 11.30.04 (7:34 pm)
Well you know that I love you.... I mean, of course, if you dont believe me just check out my info.... Love ya lots and I was NEVER at any point mad at you...you did what you thought would be best for you...even if it wasnt best for everyone else..;
MUAH!
Lindey
posted by: Lindsey (NEWBIE) (reply)
post date: 11.30.04 (7:34 pm)
OOHH AND IM NOT A NEWBIE....IM LINDSEY! HEH HEH! WEE!
posted by: hulio (reply)
post date: 12.01.04 (5:16 am)
well at the time u were really sure u wanted to, even though i suggested a break....and now everyone hates me....but what are ya gonnna do eh nawko?
"slams door"
"saunters back in"
i forgot my...jacket
okay sorry...ANYWAYS
i love you nyssa
"notch"
I LVOE YOU NYSSA
"notch"
*hands diamond ring"
"notch"
ACCORDING THE MUSTACHED MATHEMATICIAN, A COUPLE MEANS THREE! SO HAH i'm back to where i started from
ur probably like...no i'll hate you forever U LYING BITCH
even though ...i never lied...people just keep saying that...
yeeeeeeeeeah well i've got to go get dressed
MUAH child
"notch"
AM I HIGHER THEN NATALIE YET?
no!
DAMN
posted by: JOINKERS! (reply)
post date: 12.02.04 (4:04 pm)
Take my word for it, things will get better.
that...was more than one word. sorry.
LOOOOOOOTS of time to make it all better. yes...WHY DIDNT SOMEONE TELL ME THAT LAST YEAR?!? Sure would have been helpful for my crazy mind.
Just know this... WE ALL LOVE YOU NYSSA!!!!!!!! and ALWAYS WILL! and if that fails, then I STILL WILL!
shibby!
-joinkers
posted by: blah (reply)
post date: 01.30.05 (11:16 pm)
i wonder if you look at these comments anymore.... well it's me justin here on some bored night a few months after all of the stuff writen happened.... if anyone ever comes back to this... well, reading that just now made me think... and i started reading it at... what 11:30pm, and after every few sentences i stopped and just paused... and now look at the time... it's 12:20 AM i've been sitting here for that last 50 minutes reading all that.... wellllll... i don't know why i'm commenting either... but you know, all that makes me miss those days... not the break up, but being with you... it was all perfect till that... well... yeah.... tell me if you ever read this... or if anyone else does.... i may come back and read this post sometime in the not to far future.... bye.
